Homo economicus’ Weblog

There is something to be said for being prepared for the unexpected and that a bit of forward planning saves not only time and effort, but just can stop things going wrong. Hindsight, like air conditioning on the metro, just makes the whole thing smoother and less of a sweat. Like losing your way when traveling to another hotel …

  

In a sense we had a plan. We had hired a car (good thinking), we had a map from goggle to get to the hotel that Mat’ and Hyrax were going to transfer too (leaving them closer to convention while I sleep on the sofa bed at OBC’s). Again, it would probably be a good idea to have a map if you are not sure of the route.

  

The crux of the story is said map was on Hyrax’s camera – which he uses for wildlife photos and if you see the picture threads on http://www.richarddawkins.net/forum/index.php even takes binoculars with him stowed away in his main luggage. The camera is big enough to impress any phallic impressionable person. This genius idea, as we had no printer, was to take a photo of the screen and use it. This was not such a good idea.

  

It was all going well then we reached the Pentagon, and we were lost. Mat was driving and the discussion involving Hyrax’s discussion of navigation took me back to fond childhood memories of my parents having a frank exchange of views of how to get somewhere in which they both respected each other without reference to supposed gender stereo types. While I am in no way implying that the two guys were acting as a married couple, I resorted to what I used to do in such situations as a seven year old – I concentrated on my breathing, knowing that we had over half an hour to get to a place that was only a few minutes away. The fickle finger of fate had other plans …

  

Well, we ended up trying to come around the Pentagon car park, and it looked like I needed to come up with a suggestion or else I would end up watching the guys metamorphose into my parents. So I suggested that Hyrax get out of the car (good idea) ask a passerby (good idea) for directions. And so like a dead man walking he went to an innocent bystander and asked for directions using the said camera that hang round his neck standing out like a smoking gun.

  

Back in the car, and sadly none the wiser we moved on – noticing that a parked police car on the other side had lights flashing suddenly. We slowly drove looking around for clues, the police car followed closer. The penny dropped in a foreign country that would not recognize the Queen on it; bit of a falling out with a relative of hers. And we were all wearing our scarlet “A” T shirts http://outcampaign.org/ We felt as we stopped the car that what had promised to be our first full day at the conference had turned into something that threatened missing the RDF RS sponsored talk on suicide bombers – which I hoped silently as the cop came to Mat’s drivers side none of the other guys would mention. Because if they did I was determined to blow them up myself as I had a hunch that they would misunderstand what we really meant about the talk by James A. Thomson, Jr MD on the profile of such individuals. That they would be very unlikely to be RDF Staff members, on their way to an atheist convention. We knew that already. Did the police??

  

Again I was a child in the back of my parent’s car – only this time it was the “I am not guilty but what if I look guilty?” as the police officer asked us what us guys were doing. Attending the Atheist Alliance International Conference. We help out Richard Dawkins on the forum part of his web site. I had hopes that he would say something of recognition that maybe the name of Dawkins would save us in a way that a prayer never would. Instead he replied “An atheist conference; isn’t that like a religion? You know like anarchists being in a group?”

  

There were many replies to this. That like minded individuals traveling distances to meet together to exchange ideas and socialize was a normal everyday activity all over the world; that in fact this country protected the right to free assembly. That organizing to tackle the faith that encourages suicide fanatics without evidence of a glorious afterlife of sex and defilement deniable in life to fly planes into the pentagon necessitated such a gathering of people. We were not the threat.

  

Yes that is what I was thinking. But fear had gripped me. The fear not only that we were going to miss the talk, but we would also miss dinner with Dawkins at noon. That would be far worse than being hulled down to the station, I thought as I handed over my passport to the cop. Not sure Dawkins would be able to visit us, let alone bring seafood with him.

  

Asking us when we had arrived and when we were leaving he was surprised by the different answers we gave. As was I – we were all leaving on the same day – but it depended if you meant conference (Sunday) or country (Monday). Hence the confusion – but the damage was done and Mat was cracking under the strain as the driver. Our only hope was rationality and reason. The problem was that my brain was beginning to freeze as fear is the mind killer. At this moment what I would not have given for breathing techniques from Sam Harris on clearing the head.

  

The cop very friendly said to Mat “Relax, stay calm you are not going to be arrested yet“. Implied here was that so far, we were innocent. Being atheists was not of itself a crime in the USA. This relief was short lived as I realized that the significance of the word yet = expectation of things that may come in a given future moment.

  

The friendly cop then asked if we had taken any pictures of the Pentagon. Naturally, while the discussion of the journey into a nightmare that would ruin our dream’s of meeting Richard, we had not had time to take photos – indeed only the day before I had told Hyrax not too take pictures before using the Pentagon Metro and to put his camera away because they would not like that …. Oh bugger

  

It was at that point as Hyrax eagerly showed the goggle map and explained why it was on camera, that I realized the significance of it being round his neck by a strap and that he had been observed leaving the car with it. It sunk in that maybe we were sinking into quick sand. Only evidence would save us.

  

“May I see the photos on your cameras?” I suddenly was a child at school in an English lesson. The word may mean if you asked to take part in a football game it was up to others to decide if you could (No we don’t want to let you). On the other hand “Can I see the photos on your camera?” would reflect that maybe that was not something possible (No you are unable too). I reflected on this dichotomy as I handed my digital camera that hung on my belt like my hopes of seeing Dawkins left to dry in the burning sun of the day. I wanted to be anywhere but here, my mind was the only escape route unfortunately it had left me behind in its eagerness to get out of here.

  

We had taken many photos in the few days. By the time he finished checking it was passed 11 am and the talk we were meant to be helping to organize had started. I had this vague notion that he may give us some photography tips, and realize that I really cared about DC. That the photos were in no way connected to a terrorist plot to deny the national capital of its history and heritage.

  

He asked us now “Is there anything you want to tell me? Have you any dead bodies in the trunk, or drugs, or guns? Have you guys smoked any marijuana?” The answers to which were no and never although the idea of a natural growing substance with known relaxing qualities did have a certain appeal. Especially as the unknown cop came on the other side of the car and we were asked to exit the vehicle.

  

As we stepped out of the air conditioned car, and the friendly cop searched the vehicle, the unknown cop introduced himself as smart Alec cop. “So how long you guys been here?”

  

Three days they said, me four as I had come on ahead to get the jet lag out of the way.

  

“And in that time you did not think to find your way to the hotel you were transferring too?” I knew this game with authority. The only evolutionary stable strategy in this situation when you lack the power was to play dumb ass. That way, you could not offend. Maybe we would get out. The time was now 11:10 am and I was nervous that if we were pulled in our selfish genes and the rest of the survival machine would not meet the author we had all come to marvel. I put my hands in my pocket – and was immediately told to take them out again.

  

At this point I realized that I had assumed that the guys knew their way to the hotel. This assumption had been as useful as when the economist helpfully suggests to the natural scientists trapped on a dessert island with him and tins of food, with no intelligently designed way of opening it, they should all assume that they had a can opener.

  

I found my tongue, which mercifully was where I usually keep it, and said that with the sightseeing we had not had time to find out fully let alone track the journey (or do a dummy run). At this point my nerves made me put my hands behind my back.

  

“Do not put your hands behind your back”. By this time concerned that I had no real control I grabbed hold of the front of my legs and hoped they would just stay there. It was then that the smart Alec cop asked for him the most important question:

  

“Do your parents know you are attending an Atheist conference?“

  

I really wanted to say, yes phone them if you like, make my day! I came out to my mother while I was at University as an atheist. She had had her suspicions for some time. The way I read Douglas Adams, Bertrand Russell and of course Dawkins. The way I used to watch wildlife programs and she said “evolution, how can they say that” and I said well, it explains what actually happened. When I told her she said she knew. To put this in perspective my mother had told me once that if I was either an atheist or bi sexual she would disown me (one or the other was “honest”).

  

On that happy note, the smart Alec police officer told us something to our advantage. His method was to ask us to stare in a particular direction. When we did in the distance a certain hotel we were looking for was clearly visible, and also barley three minutes away. The time was 11:15 am.

  

Then the bombshell – we were free to go and he told us how to get there. We had missed the talk but we would still be able to have dinner with Richard! Thank goodness for reason!

  

Now I write this with two fundamental conclusions that I wish for you all to take on board:

1) Your “A” T shirts will not be the cause of you being arrested

2) Think before you ask for directions

  This story is dedicated to Andy whose talk we are all looking forward to catching up on the web, to the two police officers doing their job, and the security personal at the conference. Not to mention Mat and Hyrax who have been solid companions throughout this trip. Gentlemen I salute you.