Getting a Grip on Masturbation


“Don’t knock masturbation. It’s sex with someone I love.” ~ Woody Allen

    “That masturbation is abnormal and unnatural is also indicated by the fact that abnormal, mentally deranged people are notorious masturbators. Somewhat similarly, The Bremerton Sun (Washington) states that many mentally disturbed priests and nuns are chronic masturbators.”
    “Likewise, unclean practices, such as masturbation, which can be a steppingstone to homosexuality, have been dealt with in a serious, yet understanding, way, to help individuals keep clean and pure in Jehovah’s eyes.”

People do knock masturbation, setting up guilt trips that orgasm should be reserved for conception or when married for religious reasons and scare stories like excessive masturbation will cause your penis to shrink (no it will not). Let us be clear – if masturbation is effecting your ability to keep a roof over your head or lead an active social life seek professional medical help.

Those religious quotes were how I was taught to view masturbation in the Jehovah’s Witnesses as a child. Indeed, this article would be viewed as “modern propaganda” by them:

    “So, while many psychiatrists and doctors make it appear that guilt feelings about masturbation are attributable entirely to one’s ‘social indoctrination and upbringing,’ the opposite may well be the case. That is, it is more likely that, where there is an absence of such feeling of guilt, this is due to the individual’s previously having been influenced by others to believe that the practice of masturbation is really “all right,” “normal,” even “beneficial.” In reality modern propaganda tries to stifle or undermine God-given conscience.”

How do you overcome such religious indoctrination? For me it was taking matters into my own hands.

This included looking at the advice of medical opinion, the scientific evidence, as well as practise makes perfect.

Please, just do not go to a guilt merchant peddling woo to instruct you on getting a grip.

The Watchtower quotes – and many more – can be found here.

[Update: Clare Flourish has confirmed the photo was a prank played at the university which you can read about on Huff Post]

Article written by John Sargeant on Homo economicus’ Weblog

Follow @JPSargeant78

My Huffington Post Blog



Filed under Jehovah's Witnesses, Religion, Science

6 responses to “Getting a Grip on Masturbation

  1. writingthebody

    Reblogged this on writingthebody and commented:
    Is this real? I doubt it. But I must admit either way, it is pretty funny. Especially the note in small writing – very helpful – “Please enquire at the library desk if you have any questions. Thank you for your cooperation. ” Let’s see…questions….

    1. Can I masturbate if I clean it up?
    2. Can I masturbate if I do not ejaculate?
    3. Why do you think I would like to masturbate in your toilet, for God’s sake?
    4. Can you not provide safe areas for people like me who like to masturbate?
    5. What if it is an emergency, and I need to masturbate say because I feel like it really urgently?
    6. If I urgently need to masturbate can you direct me to the nearest Masturbation facility?
    7. Why don’t you change cleaners, because it seems that you have been ripped off spending thousands of pounds on cleaning up semen?

  2. Alas, it is untrue:

    Those silly red gowns they wear, all the time, could prevent semen hitting the floor

  3. Here’s one for the librarian…”If a tree falls in the woods while I’m masturbating, can you here it?”

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