The Lord’s Prayer Meets Star Wars and I review Spectre

Our Darth Vadar which art in heaven, 

Anakin be thy name. 

Thy Emperor destroyed. 

The force be done on earth, as it is in a galaxy far far away. 

Give us this day our light sabre. 

And forgive us our impatience, as we forgive other Jedi. 

And lead us not into fear, which leads to hate, which leads to suffering, but deliver us from the dark side. 

In the name of the father, Luke Skywalker and the force, Amen

The Church of England wanted to run an advert before the new Star Wars Film: “The Force Awakens” which featured the Lord’s Prayer. Maybe as Dawkins says, you would need to be thin skinned finding that offensive. Though if you have been brought up in the apocalyptic Christian tradition you will know that “Thy Kingdom come” is not something to want lightly. Still, I can laugh about it now. 

At the time, I really thought 99% of us were going to die horribly, with all of us wishing we were not alive to see Armageddon. How the living will envy the dead – no wonder so many focus instead on other passages in the bible. I personally avoided using the Lord’s Prayer as a child, wanting as many spared as possible before Judgment Day.

Commercial decisions mean most cinemas will not show religious or political advertising here in the UK. The same rule applies to everybody. Still, some free publicity for the church and Richard Dawkins on your side is a result for the Church narrative that secularisation has run amok. Maybe they should watch more films at the cinema to realise that society is going to hell in a gore of CGI with no soul.

Admittedly Anglicanism is fluffy cuddly compared to the Jehovah’s Witnesses. Except when they act like them, like banning Harry Potter at one of their schools, or even deciding to have shares in Arm manufactures to help fight the good fight. Bless them, it’s all for a good cause fixing the church roof, and if the dividend does not cover the costs they can always try and get unsuspecting homeowners to settle the tab through arcane laws.

Who pays for a cinema ticket then chooses to sit through advertising as though a captive audience? Presumably those that think saying a prayer absolves them from actually doing something. Myself, I use the time instead at the bar, preparing for something thrilling but idiotic. Like Bond. 

Spectre

I loathed the new Bond film Spectre – all it needed was Daniel Craig to wink to camera at the end to make it the modern “Never Say Never Again” of Bond films. It looked good, but was as convincing as a secret organisation suddenly trying to kill a secret agent on a crowded buffet car, a woman being knocked out twice in the ensuing fight but rather than needing medical attention afterwards makes passionate love to someone who, ten minutes earlier, they said epitomised what they despised in life. 

That whole scene on a train is in the film. You might call it a spoiler, but this is a warning. There are more that could be said.

Bond nicks a prototype Aston Martin that has been allocated to 009. In a chase, rather annoyingly Q branch have not loaded any ammo, but they have loaded 009’s music library which Bond accidentally plays.  

They may as well have said, move over Grandad you are passed it. If you cannot figure out the controls to a modern car, and have not worked out that a woman knocked out twice in the last ten minutes who had made clear beforehand she did not fancy you in the slightest, probably cannot consent from a legal standpoint. The only bed you should be putting her in is a hospital one. 

As for the Bond villain – Wile E coyote had more depth. Wasted opportunity. The money was on screen, but no one seems to have bothered with making the dialogue, story and characterisation reach what Casino Royale and Skyfall managed. Even Quantum of Solace was interesting in its plot. Spectre promised so much, but strip it of the action leaves the most unintelligent and muddled of the Daniel Craig Bond films. It joins the dots like a children’s colouring in book, but that will not make a movie masterpiece to remember.

I have a bad feeling about the new Star Wars film but, for my sins, I am an optimist so will still go to see it. Hopefully it’s more Epsiode IV than Episode I. 

May the force be with you.

Article written by John Sargeant on Homo economicus’ Weblog

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2 Comments

Filed under British Society, Film, Religion, Richard Dawkins, Secularism

2 responses to “The Lord’s Prayer Meets Star Wars and I review Spectre

  1. Having cogitated on this for a while, I think you may have put too much thought into SPECTRE. Your point about about knocked out twice/hospital bed is fair enough in the real world, ut this is a film in which someone has their head drilled without it effecting their aim. People in fiction often receive significant head injury without any noticeable harm. How many times Philip Marlow punched, sapped, and shot full of hop til he was as crazy as two waltzing mice? As for the Astin Martin, I don’t think Bond cannot figure out the controls, I think it’s more that the gadgets don’t work, (it is only a prototype, after all.) The (un)reliability of the technological toys fits nicely with the ethos of the Mandes films. Re-watch the first meeting of Bond and Q from Skyfall. As for me, I rather enjoyed the film, even if it was a little uneven. It did leave me wanting more, at least.

    As to the God Inc marketing drive, according to today’s Times the ad is a YouTube smash. This could end up being bigger than that startled chipmunk! Huzzah! for the Streisand effect.

    • Don’t forget earlier she is telling Bond not to rape her when she is drunk as she sleeps on the bed. So the idea of consent is actually brought up in the film, rather than me over analysing healing properties of characters in film. Like the torture which is meant to leave him impaired – nope he is Bond, kills with a single shot the bad guys immediately after.

      Thing is, that wasn’t how the new Bond films were working – Casino Royale he is physically and emotionally battered after his torture. It is a regression in Spectre lacking Bonds frailty. Even the female characters lack depth, and the one that didn’t (the widow) is tragically given short time on screen.

      And Felix (CIA) can keep her safe from Spectre but not Mr White’s daughter. In fact Bond takes her directly into harms way. I could go on, but it really was for me the worst of the lot.

      Not surprised people are watching the C of E video. Free publicity, no need to pay advertising costs. The Lord really doesn’t move in mysterious ways anymore.

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