At this time we wait for the Darwin Awards 2012 to be awarded, however one nominee was disqualified due to being too young when they passed on. Yet a previous entry under 18 was given the award. Please note if you do not have a dark sense of humour you may want to stop reading. The two I have shown can be considered in very bad taste.
If you are new to the Darwin awards:
“In the spirit of Charles Darwin, the Darwin Awards commemorate individuals who protect our gene pool by making the ultimate sacrifice of their own lives. Darwin Award winners eliminate themselves in an extraordinarily idiotic manner, thereby improving our species’ chances of long-term survival.”
One should note that doing this before childbearing age would be even more beneficial from this point of view. However, the idea that the death of a child is funny does beggar belief. Though why mention them if you think that?
2012 Darwin Award Nominee
Confirmed True by Darwin
(3 October 2012, Serra, Brazil) The merits of this potential Darwin Award winner are solid, yet something stands in the way…
Consider a bus traveling along the streets of a busy modern city such as Serra, Brazil. The bus driver, guided by instinct developed over years of experience, is expertly navigating the narrow streets of the metro area. Suddenly a passenger throws in a new variable: He stands on the seat and hangs his torso out the window, wiggling around and whooping it up. The Darwin Awards editors are honor-bound to divulge that this sounds super-duper fun. Arms extended, hair a’flying, an undeniably W00T activity.
Yet to do so effectively increases the width of a bus by two feet. Head, please meet your nemesis in the form of a utility pole. The streets are narrow. Now you know!
Solid Darwin Award.
“Bus-ted.” But wait! The printing press comes to a screeching halt. Open dialog between Darwin Awards editors and worldwide fans has reached a consensus that we cannot print the story of this passenger pigeon. Why? Because the deceased individual is a female aged 14. Our magical thinking holds that at 18 the deceased is dumb, and not a day before that birthday. The answer to your question, Intrepid News Reporter C. Elias, is that your submission is a Darwin Award in all aspects–except the age of the perp. In our archives females are underrepresented 10:1, yet we must kill this submission. Humans who are 14 years young are denied the solace of a Darwin Award.
However, they still gave the Darwin Award to this young person:
Hotter Copper Whopper
2011 Darwin Award Nominee
Confirmed True by Darwin
(3 July 2011, Leeds, UK.) Thief! How, many, thieves, have, to die, to prove that you shouldn’t steal copper wire? Besides the risk, it’s not right to cause thousands of dollars worth of damage, for hundreds of dollars in profit. HEY YOU IMMORAL IDIOTS, It makes bad environmental sense to destroy more than you recoup. Angry lecture!
Copper Kills! CE Electric UK recently began marking the copper using ‘SmartWater’ technology to deter malicious, costly vandalism. American Electric Power is converting from copper grounding wire to copper-clad steel wire that has little scrap value and is tougher to cut.
Knowing that species evolve, why are we so dumb? Like Darwin’s Finches, humans are filling the ‘new islands’ (evolutionary niches) created by our civilization, and our mutations are being tuned by each self-limiting step we take.
Which brings me to a Leeds teenager, who at 16 became a deceased Darwin Award winner by making one such self-limiting step. Copper theft is a killer, and also a nuisance. CE Electric UK has dealt with 279 incidents in the last year in West Yorkshire. They plead, “We are pleading with thieves to think about the consequences and how much they are risking for such a small return. DANGER OF DEATH signs are posted for a reason!”
Stealing copper? Fast track train to Charles Darwin’s heavenly estate. “Welcome home, Leeds teen. You were old enough to know better!” Sometimes a friend has to cram life into too few years, but we comfort ourselves knowing that his destiny was to serve as a warning to others.
Have to admit not laughing as much at these ones due to their age. I think those old enough to know better, and not just the stupidity of the demise, is key to the joke.
Will send a message at the inconsistency. Let you know if they reply.
Article written by John Sargeant on Homo economicus’ Weblog